i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
