I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
