My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
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I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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