Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
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I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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