Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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