Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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