You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
