matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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