I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
