Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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