ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
