Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
