And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
