come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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