As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
