Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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