umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
