the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
