Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
