The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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