May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
