Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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