My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
