I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
