Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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