you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
