what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize