dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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