shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
