What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
