You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
