I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
