So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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