I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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