Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
