i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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