Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
