Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
