Where are you?
In a non slutty way
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
