I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
