Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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