Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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