That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
