I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
