I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
