i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
