Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
