Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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