Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize