Please don't use social media to get back at me.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
