I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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