his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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