I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
