He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
