i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
