morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
