i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I can't turn off my feet"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
