I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
