saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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