i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
