I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
