I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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