oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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