I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
