got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
