the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
